The Illusion of Time

Time.....such a mysterious word in my opinion. The time right now is 3:56 p.m. (pacific TIME). This year I have entered my 40th birthday and I am now supposed to be getting "over the hill" at this time in my life. I am also entering my peak....sexually speaking... during this 10 year time of my life. Some people think time is on our side. Some say there is no time like the present. And yet others think that their lives will start becoming more exciting and worth living when the time comes to retire.....or after the kids go off to college....or when they hit the lottery.

Well....this is all HORSE SHIT! Excuse my language, but I am so sick of time! Time is an illusion. What I mean by that is that there is no tomorrow....there is only now. I know this because thinking about my future is scary as hell! I am living in a "time" where my government has voted for & passed such self-destructive, wealth-interested legislation that my future looks like a black hole! Since the Reagan Administration (when I was in middle & high school being brainwashed into a future Neo-con thinker and slave-wage-earner...unable to vote in elections that would have a DIRECT IMPACT on my life because I wasn't old enough to vote...again a TIME issue) the infrastructure of the U.S.A. which was built on the sweat & equity of the working poor has been ignored and pushed aside while a few in the upper-class worked to demolish labor laws, consumer safety laws, and crush any REAL semblance of family values while stuffing their pockets with our (taxpayer) dollars.

There is no illusion about my current state of lifestyle. I am broke. I am officially POOR. I am living on what is left of a couple credit cards (well under $5,000 limits) and have about $150 in cash at the moment. I am now looking at my jewelry and a couple items to pawn off to make sure I have enough money to cover gas in my van. I will be out of my apt. situation the end of this month. The only illusion I might have would be finding meaningful work that would allow me to live and pay my few bills each month.

The job situation in Oregon is registered at 7.2% (but they didn't include me or others in their stats so it might really be more like 10 or 12% in reality). Finding gentlemen friends who wish the pleasure of my company has been extremely challenging due to the fact that I don't have my own incall location (which is apparently really impt. in this area) and because I am sure I am not the only person who has little to no "extra" money to spend. There is no illusion that we, Americans, are entering a depression in this country.....not a recession as the media keeps trying to get us to swallow. I am in a depression. I am not alone (unfortunately). I am scared. I don't really want to watch the fallout take place (whether my own or anyone else).

The truth is......there is NO TIME to waste!!!! If I could wave a magic wand and do one thing that would help me in the long run...I would wish that each and every American would protest the government by NOT GOING TO WORK just one day (on a given day for all to call in sick) and not buying one DAMN Chinese made good and to walk to your local elected official (city council/county commissioner/state or national congressperson) and demonstrate for the day demanding immediate withdraw from Iraq....immediate cut of military funds....and immediate funding of local, state and national jobs NOW!!! We must all become political/spiritual beings! There is no retirement, there is no tomorrow, there is nothing but NOW.

I wish all my readers the best during these uncertain times. I don't know what I am doing or where I am going to end up......things here in Portland are just not coming together for me. Sorry this posting is a tough read...but you don't expect me to be anything but real and honest...and that is what I am doing with my blog.

ONE LOVE.....ONE LIFE....PEACE!!!!

Emma